All the Movies I Saw in 2013

Ok, this is going to be a long day. Are you ready? Every 5 min, I’ll tweet one of the Movies I Saw in 2013. But first, some fun facts… I’ll be listing these in the order I saw them. Here’s the number of movies I saw each month: 13, 5, 3, 7, 12, 3, 8, 4, 5, 5, 8, 19 ( = 92). Of the 92 movies I saw, 35 were released in 2013 and 24 were from 2012, while the other 33 came from years as new as 2011 and old as 1941. I only went to the movie theater 21 times. The other 71 were rented, streamed, borrowed or owned. I never watched one movie on TV. Only 6 of the movies I saw I’d seen at least once before. 2 of these I’ve seen more than 10 times each. Only 1 of them is a Christmas film.

  • Arthur Christmas (2011) … Having never seen Fred Claus, I can only guess this is the funnier, better version of that “Santa’s family” story.
  • A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011) … Watched it in 2D, which somehow made its aggressive, “look at me!” use of 3D that much funnier.
  • Django Unchained (2012) … Realizing how Tarantino just makes B-movie revenge flicks, but transcends them in every way, is knowing greatness.
  • Battleship (2012) … Basically all I can say about this film: it was on while I hung out w/ friends & we occasionally glanced at the screen.
  • Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows (2011) … Unnecessary sequel to the unnecessary original is somehow both dumb & smart fun, thanks to Downey.
  • John Carter (2012) … Unrightfully maligned & marked as a bomb before it could get out of the gate, it wasn’t half as bad as you might think.
  • Ted (2012) … I should have known better and skipped this unfunny “comedy” from Seth McFarlane starring Marky Mark as a teddy bear. Oh. Wait…
  • Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012) … Dreamlike in story structure & its hazy, humid milieu, the movie only works because of its young star.
  • Broadcast News (1987) … Every love triangle in the past 25 years, every instance of the guy friend losing to the dumb hunk, started here.
  • We Bought a Zoo (2011) … Someone better save Cameron Crowe from himself; even Scarlett Johansson’s doe eyes couldn’t save this maudlin mess.
  • Lincoln (2012) … Hey, it’s that famous actor! There’s another! And another! How’d they get so many greats? Oh, and there’s Lincoln himself!
  • Zero Dark Thirty (2012) … Long but quickly paced, expertly ratcheting the political drama before final—amazingly tense—compound sequence.
  • Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2012) … A tangled web of spies at times makes it hard to know what’s going on & who’s who, but man, that cast.
  • Silver Linings Playbook (2012) … The resolution is a little too cute & tidy, but feel-good movies are rarely made w/ such care, so whatevs.
  • Groundhog Day (1993) … An annual tradition for me on 2/2. Not just one of my favorite movies, one which inspires me to live to the fullest.
  • Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) … Funny & optimistic apocalyptic story that loses a little w/ the May-December romance.
  • War Horse (2011) … Spielberg’s majestic camera & knack for battle scenes compensates for the loss of magic from the stage’s puppet horse.
  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) … Coming-of-age story lays the teen angst on thick, but never succumbs to mawkishness or melodrama.
  • Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012) … A romantic comedy in reverse, written by & starring the affable Rashida Jones in an unshowy performance.
  • The Master (2012) … Like most P.T. Anderson pictures, I have not a clue what this purports to be about, but I was riveted by every scene.
  • Tender Mercies (1980) … Best Picture nom is a plodding, dull version of the newer Crazy Heart, save the compelling work of Robert Duvall.
  • Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982) … Maybe a better idea than actual movie, this film noir parody/Madlibsian-mashup was way ahead of its time.
  • 42 (2013) … Jackie Robinson bio pic falls well short of the greatness of its subject, though Chadwick Boseman is solid in the titular role.
  • Paul Williams Still Alive (2011) … Documentarian inserts himself into this tale of the old Muppet- & talk-show star turned Daft Punk muse.
  • The Man With Two Brains (1983) … Nobody does silly better than Steve Martin, except maybe Carl Reiner. Together? The silliest. And funniest.
  • End of Watch (2012) … The critics were right—underrated police drama is well-acted, well-staged, well-written & gripping from the get-go.
  • Clue (1985) … A classic re-watched. Of all the movies based on board games, this will always be best, thanks to excellent casting choices.
  • This Is 40 (2012) … Since I’m not yet 40, I can’t say how much of it rang true, but I can say that, sadly, I found very little of it funny.
  • Les Miserables (2012) … I don’t think I can say it any better than Film Crit Hulk did, so let me give him the floor: http://buff.ly/1a4G31g
  • The Sessions (2012) … Tales about people on the fringes of “normal” don’t typically get such honest, fair portrayals, w/ great performances.
  • Save the Date (2012) … Funny, pretty ladies Alison Brie & Lizzy Caplan deserve a better romantic comedy than this tale of rival sisters.
  • Frances Ha (2013) … A black-and-white treatise on twenty-something ennui and aimlessness, like HBO’s Girls but somehow less pretentious.
  • Cabin Boy (1994) … What was supposed to be Chris Elliott’s cult masterpiece is now, quite fairly, declared a pretty terrible movie.
  • Mistaken for Strangers (2013) … Blurring fact & fiction, this great doc becomes less about the band The National & more about its filmmaker.
  • Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me (2013) … Yet another in the new doc trend (a once-ignored act finds a cult audience). Does right by the band.
  • Fast Five (2011) … My first foray into the Fast franchise: w/ impressively staged cartoonish action, Five is like an amped-up Ocean’s flick.
  • In a World… (2013) … Stellar cast of funny folk, set in a world (ha) we’ve not seen on film; Lake Bell’s auteur debut deserved an audience.
  • The Way, Way Back (2013) … Not as emotionally rich as Faxon/Rash’s last; Sam Rockwell’s Murray-esque charisma transcends a well-tread story.
  • A Band Called Death (2013) … Lovable characters, mythic tales & heartwarming reunions are genre clichés, but this doc makes them worthwhile.
  • The Kings of Summer (2013) … Unrealistic but charming coming of age story manages to find some real emotion among the weird and the wacky.
  • Monsters U (2013) … Not as magical as the original. Falls into some of the usual prequel traps. Nonetheless, a welcome return to this world.
  • 21 Jump Street (2012) … The sort-of sequel to the old TV show is dumb fun, especially when familiar faces show up for some meta-comedy.
  • Side Effects (2013) … Soderbergh is one of my favorite directors. It’s sad to see him go, but he leaves on a high note w/ a twisty mystery.
  • McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971) … Moody western shows even a modernized frontier to be a harsh place; starkly soundtracked by Leonard Cohen.
  • Your Sister’s Sister (2012) … Lynn Shelton excels at movies that might be called “bottle episodes” on TV, but this one felt a tad strained.
  • Spring Breakers (2013) … Like Thirteen or Korine’s own KIDS, this work of fiction somehow seems frighteningly real & stays w/ you forever.
  • Searching for Sugarman (2012) … Detroit-born Sixto Rodriguez, an unlikely folk hero of South Africa, finally gets his chance to shine.
  • The Road (2009) … Difficult post-apocalpytic story of survival doesn’t so much end w/ optimism as it does avoid ending entirely w/o hope.
  • Pacific Rim (2013) … Silly action movie that either took itself far too seriously or not seriously enough. I was laughing too hard to tell.
  • All of Me (1984) … Steve Martin made some dumb comedies in the ’80s, and this might be the dumbest, but I still found it enjoyable at times.
  • Fruitvale Station (2013) … I’m not used to having to fight back tears during a movie, but thanks to Michael B. Jordan, I lost the battle.
  • Moonraker (1979) … Watching for the first time, this—more than any other Bond movie—made me understand (and come to hate) Austin Powers.
  • Premium Rush (2013) … Rolls by as quick as the cyclists, but when in motion, JoGoL has white knuckle thrills while Michael Shannon chills.
  • Cloud Atlas (2012) … Overly long, willfully strange, more than a little obtuse, yet somehow engaging. Maybe it was all the eye candy?
  • Dirty Dancing (1987) … I will never not hate this movie for its anachronistic soundtrack choices. No, I did not have the time of my life.
  • The Impossible (2012) … Stunning, entirely believable recreation of the ’04 tsunami from the perspective of one family stuck in Thailand.
  • It Happened at the World’s Fair (1963) … Loved this barely-plotted Elvis-starrer, if only for the chance to see Seattle Center at its peak.
  • Bernie (2011) … Odd little movie about an odd little man; yet another example of how truth is stranger than fiction. Jack Black shines.
  • Over the Top (1987) … Was this as unintentionally funny in the ’80s as it was when I watched it this year? I hope so, because, wow, CHEESE.
  • Cobra (1986) … I’m not kidding when I say I watched this w/ my eyes closed (but my ears open) so all I can say now is “Meh.” & “Explosions!”
  • Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) … JJ’s second go-round w/ the Enterprise is great when Khan is onscreen, but otherwise kind of forgettable.
  • World War Z (2013) … Given all the troubles making it, I expected a half-baked zombie thriller, yet Brad Pitt anchors a zippy, tense drama.
  • Gravity (2013) … So engrossing, I forgot I was watching it in 3D until the shrapnel started exploding into my face. Worth every IMAX penny.
  • Much Ado About Nothing (2013) … Joss Whedon’s pet project is charming and fun even when you’re not playing “spot the Whedonverse actor.”
  • Iron Man 3 (2013) … Rebounding nicely from the somewhat lackluster sequel, the 3rd (and final?) installment succeeds despite a true villain.
  • This Is the End (2013) … Crass, ludicrous, hilarious & playing on our perceptions of these stars who are more than happy to self-parodize.
  • The Bling Ring (2013) … Sofia Coppola’s examination of bored millennials is the pastel companion to Harmony Korine’s neon Spring Breakers.
  • Amour (2012) … Aging is cruelly ironic in that—thanks to wisdom—it is even more frustrating to be old & helpless as it is young & helpless.
  • Thor: The Dark World (2013) … The superhero sequel belies its subtitle w/ an often hilarious, light tone, but doesn’t skimp on the action.
  • Now You See Me (2013) … Like fast food, this movie seems like a good time while experiencing it, but as soon as it’s done, you have regrets.
  • The Parallax View (1974) … A tense, paranoia-filled thriller rightfully famous for its jaw-dropping, atop-the-Space Needle opening sequence.
  • Brazil (1985) … Gilliam’s delightfully weird retro-futuristic tale of bureaucracy ruling w/ a heavy hand. DeNiro has never been so fun.
  • The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) … Better than the first movie, but, like the book, that’s only because it’s a remake of the first.
  • 12 Years a Slave (2013) … Harrowing, unflinching account of one man’s unfortunate life & one nation’s unfortunate history. Top-notch acting.
  • Drinking Buddies (2013) … Forgot while watching this was a Swanberg film, but how could I, w/ such amazingly realistic (improv’d) dialogue?
  • Admission (2013) … Cute but slight rom-com that I never would have watched w/o Tina Fey & Paul Rudd, because they make everything better.
  • Man of Steel (2013) … I kinda lost interest as soon as the effects-heavy battle sequence started, which took up a WHOLE HOUR in the movie.
  • Prince Avalanche (2013) … David Gordon Green returns to his old low-key, thoughtful ways w/ a much-needed, self-described “palate cleanser.”
  • The Fast and the Furious (2001) … Accidental franchise starter is charming and now quaint in its presentation; fun to see in retrospect.
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) … Mostly awful sequel, dragged down by lame villainy and—I can’t believe I’m saying this—a lack of Vin Diesel.
  • The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006) … Franchise finds its footing w/ a new director, but when it’s basically a spin-off, who cares?
  • Fast & Furious (2009) … Coming back from the dead w/ gusto, the original team + fresh faces kick off an unlikely art/commerce hot streak.
  • Nebraska (2013) … Yet again, Alexander Payne hits the sweet spot between sad and funny, thanks to a script from Almost Live! vet Bob Nelson.
  • Before Midnight (2013) … Third in the (18 years in-the-making) unlikely trilogy finds beauty in life’s obstacles for true/everlasting love.
  • Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) … Seen it 4 (or 5?) times now but every viewing has me laughing and marveling at the animation & production design.
  • The World’s End (2013) … A bloody brilliant bait-and-switch comedy about facing adulthood, demons of the past & small-town body-snatchers.
  • Sun Valley Serenade (1941) … Predictable yet charming studio-era rom-com/musical, starring Sonja Henie & feat. the Glenn Miller Orchestra.
  • A Christmas Story (1983) … Old Xmas Eve tradition: watching on VHS (later, DVD). New tradition: watching it out of order via TBS marathon.
  • National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) … Not as sentimental as John Hughes’s other Christmas movie, but sillier & more re-watchable.
  • Her (2013) … Simultaneously about everything & one thing, which is to say it’s about trying to understand oneself. Kaufmanesque & affecting.
  • Computer Chess (2013) … Set on a frontier of technology we now so easily take for granted, this is an odd little movie of great specificity.
  • Upstream Color (2013) … I thought I understood what was happening, but then the movie ran for another 93 minutes. (It is 96 minutes long.)